I have struggled all my life with a hyperactive conscience. I feel vague to intense guilt constantly. As a Catholic convert, I hear cradle Catholics talk about Catholic guilt. Like the Church invented it. Well, they're not alone. I grew up Protestant and we spoke fluent "guilt." Some guilt is healthy, but chronic isn't. That's what the catechism calls "scruples." And in psychological terms, shame. It's crucial, for mental and spiritual health, to know the difference.What is guilt complex/scruples/shame and how does it differ from healthy guilt? Let me illustrate. Do you remember the T-A--Transactional Analysis--school of psychology? It says the self has three personas--parent, child and adult--similar to Freud's Id, ego and superego. Freud described the id (child) as immature, undisciplined and totally self-serving. The superego or parent in TA is ultra-controlled and highly critical. The ego or adult is whole and balanced. In all of us, the Parent (superego) and child (Id) struggle for control. Neither are healthy, alone. It's only when the healthier adult persona takes control and parent and child take back seat that the person is healthy.
We with guilt complexes and overactive consciences are stuck in superego- parent mode. We don't have more to feel guilty about than anyone else. Less, often. We've done our time, paid our penances, said our Mea Culpaes, received absolution. But we struggle to shake the nagging feeling that we've left something undone.
Our apologies and restitution never satisfy us. No confession is ever good enough, no penance too severe.
We don't have prickings of conscience, we have brutal stabbings. Others aren't necessarily accusing us. We accuse ourselves, sometimes to the point of dreaming up sins. I have a recurrent dream in which I have done something unspeakable, willful murder, violent assault, terrible injury. I have another where everyone is mad at me and I can't figure out what I've done wrong. When I wake, I feel sick and terrified, and it takes conscious effort for me to convince myself that it was just a dream (how's that for Freudian?)
Overactive conscience always second guesses its decisions and actions. Guilt complex causes us to be pathologically self-critical. And like so many other emotional issues, they're fear-driven and deeply subconscious (ergo the dreams). Fear of offending, upsetting others, of our own emotions, of consequences. We will sometimes lie or cheat to defend against irrational or imagined wrongs and prevent imagined consequences.
If you suffer from or love someone with guilt complex and overactive conscience, check my blog www.emotionalhealthhelp.blogspot.com.
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